This was the book that made me start to consider whether or not I should continue going to an evangelical church, what I was raised with, or try something more traditional, like an anglican church. My brother and sister, and their spouses/children are anglican, so in my mind it wasn't a huge leap for me to make the transition. I hemmed and hawed for about a year before I finally made up my mind to go. I went first to a mid week service, met the priest, and really liked what I saw. His background was exactly what I needed if I was actually going to make the transition. He was raised baptist, became a Presbyterian pastor, and finally an Anglican priest. He knew exactly what I was struggling with, and because of that was able to answer my questions in, I felt, a more satisfactory way than someone else might have been. So I switched churches. This one was so much closer anyway, it was just a lot easier to go on a sunday morning. And I liked the constant switching of activities that takes place during the service. Stand and sing, then kneel to pray, then sit during the sermon, then kneel, stand, kneel. It held my attention better than most baptist services because I didn't have to stay focused for more than 30 min on any one thing.
Then I moved, my work schedule changed, and the novelty wore off. It didn't take long for me to skip church just as often here as I did with the baptist church. It was farther, my work had me awake all night long, and I just didn't feel like I was connecting with the scripted material. My job has changed again, but I still find it hard to get up and go on a Sunday morning. I miss the rousing praise and worship lyrics, and I miss feeling like I am making a personal connection with God on a Sunday.
Despite what I miss, there are very real reasons for not switching back. I found growing up that the baptist church gave me little more advice for getting through hard times than "do your devotions" or "if you're struggling spiritually right now, it's because you're not really living out your faith" or "if God feels distant, it's your fault for not spending enough time with him." "In order to really worship God during the worship service you need to really MEAN the words you are saying." In addition to that, there was always the issue with mega churches being more concerned with making the service "culturally relevant" or giving sermons like "3 ways to read your Bible better" or "7 steps to having a healthy relationship with God." Don't get me wrong, I like self-help books. I do find them mostly helpful, but I don't think the Bible should be treated like one. In an effort to connect with people, I feel like the evangelical church has largely dismissed the fact that the Bible is all we really need. It's decided that since we are losing young people, we need to do something to fix it ourselves.
There's nothing wrong with updating the music, or trying to connect with people, but there is when it is done so at the expense of what the Bible really has to say. We are losing people to science and education because when they grow up and experience the "real world" they have no solid foundation to stand on. When we treat the Bible like a self-help book, it's no wonder people toss it aside like the latest edition of the "Purpose Driven Life" after reading it once or twice.
So you can see where the frustration comes from. I feel like I'm limbo between two, mostly, unappealing choices. Each for its own reasons, but neither one really drawing me there. The worst part of it is that I'm not sure going to one or the other will really fix the problem. I've tried, for several months now, and neither one is really attractive to me. So what I wonder is how to fix the problem? If it was a simple matter of deciding which one I agree with theologically, it wouldn't be such a big deal. I could spend some time and wrestle it out with my Bible. But it's more than that. It's not my head I'm frustrated with, it's my heart and my emotions. And I don't know how to reconcile the two.
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