I love the holidays. Or so I believe. And yet, every year, right around the end of November and the beginning of December, right when the holidays are coming in to full swing, I start to get sad. I think about what it means to be at home with my family for Christmas, and it makes me wish I was there. For me, the holidays aren't the same without my family. Things are crazy and stressful, sure, but its our own special brand of Moothart crazy. It's familiar, it's comforting. Sometimes its even funny.
We'll start the month off with decorating the house. Putting all the lights up, getting the tree pretty, and of course, what's Christmas without Mannheim Steamroller and Snoopy vs. The Red Baron playing on a constant repeat? :) As Christmas gets closer, the presents begin to appear under the tree. Slowly, one by one, and of course, with the added working of helping mom make them absolutely perfect. (Give me your finger! I can't get this ribbon on here all by myself!). We never go a Christmas Eve without having cheese fondue. It's the only time of year mom makes it. And that makes it special. We eat it for days afterward :). Christmas morning, we open our stockings, eat breakfast, then go in a circle to open our presents (after Dad has read the Christmas story from Luke of course). We put our things away, and play with our new gadgets. We have dinner together as a family.
As I think of Christmas, and home, I know I'm sad because I don't get to experience these things anymore. As time went on, I became less and less involved in my family's traditions, and more and more involved with my own schedule. That's not a bad thing, its part of growing up. But family is very important to me. I have to feel like I have a family, no matter where I am.
Knowing this about myself, however, tells me one thing: To learn to appreciate the family I create. Family doesn't have to be mom, dad, and my brothers and sisters. I love them all, and they will always be my family, but this time, when I'm far away, learning to see family in my friends, learning to make new traditions with new people, that's what's important. If I am always looking back, and wishing that my life was the same now as it was when I was growing up, then I will cease to grow. I will cease to learn from new situations. I will cease to be happy, because I will forever be comparing my new situation with my old one. I will never be satisfied with what I have because I will always want what I had.
So this Christmas, I'm determined to try something new. I'm determined to make my own traditions, and create family from my friends. I will stop wishing for what I had, and learn to be thankful for what I have. Without that lesson, I don't think I'll ever be able to truly appreciate Christmas at home, because I will never be home.
