Monday, October 22, 2012

Giving up, or letting go?

I've struggled a lot with "giving up" or "quitting" in my life. In high school, I "quit" the situation after my freshman year and moved to a public school because making friends where I was at was just too hard. In college, I "quit" the state school because I was lonely, wanted to be closer to my family, and wanted more of an educational challenge. After that though, I determined I wasn't going to "quit" anymore. I worked really hard, and I managed to graduate from the honors program at Biola. But I was tired of California. I wanted to try something new.

And now here I am again, struggling so hard against the two halves of me, the one side that says "this is good! stay!" and the other side that says "I just wanna go home." I have family and friends in CA, but no job. I have friends here, and a great job, but no family. And part of me wonders what would happen. Would I feel like a failure for not sticking it out? Or would I feel frustrated for not letting go of this grand adventure of mine?

I have no idea. And part of me says going home would be giving up. But that's how I felt about school too, and in hindsight, I kinda wish I had just made things easier on myself. So which is it? Without an answer one way or the other, I feel like I should stay put, but with the holidays coming up, its getting harder and harder. I don't want to be a quitter, but I don't want to be in a position where I'm refusing to let go either.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Stay where you're at. There are still no jobs in CA and you really have to have one to survive. Things get easier the longer you are away - but yes, holiday's are extremely difficult. You can do it though. Surround yourself with your friends during the rough times and you'll be able to see it through.