Fear

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." (FDR) You never really know how true that is, until you experience it for yourself. More specifically, until you realize you are afraid, and the only reason for that fear is simply because you don't know what it will be like. I have now been in Texas for a little over six months. I've made a few friends, gotten involved in church, landed a good job. All of that is good, but since I moved here, I have done absolutely nothing about trying to connect to any of the Deaf community out here (and yes, it does exist, I've looked). The only reason I can think of, is fear. It's scary to me, to put myself in yet another new situation. And not just a situation where I'm meeting new people (that would be scary enough) but a situation where I have to use another language that is not completely natural to me. It's fun, once I can get myself to go, but taking that first step is always the hardest.

There's a deaf church in the area. It starts before my church does, and I've felt for weeks now like I should visit, that I should try to go to both churches. The problem is, I'm scared. It took most of my spunk to move here; I don't have whole lot left with which to continuously place myself in unfamiliar situations. But I want to go, and I know that once I do, it won't be so bad. It's just the idea of it. But I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of avoiding situations simply because they sound scary. And I'm tired of pretending like everything is ok, I'm tired of pretending that I'm not afraid. I'm terrified. But I'm going to do it anyway. Wanna know why? Because that is the area of my life that is the hardest to keep up with, but it's also the most important. It's something that I am determined to pursue, in spite of the fear that wants to hold me back. Lord give me strength.