Relationships

For some reason I have a really hard time making friends, and once I have them, I have an even harder time holding on to them. The only one's I've managed to keep around are the ones that are far away from me or so busy that I don't see them very often (the closest ones are 15 miles away and the few people that I spend time with at school I only see a few times a week in class). I was really excited about the new girls that moved in to the apartment because the first one I seemed to really hit it off with. Then the other one moved in, and for a while everything was good. They still aren't bad, but the friendship I had with the one dwindled in favor of spending time with the other girl, and I feel like the odd man out. Again. I don't understand. I didn't do anything this time. I even put out a lot of energy to spend time with them so that I would not alienate myself from them. Yet somehow, I feel once again, like the one everyone tolerates, and no one really wants to spend a lot of time with. What I want is to feel like I have a life out here.

I joined Calvary, and I'm gonna try out one of their LifeGroups this week, but right now I feel like my life consists of simply running from one activity to the next (my schedule currently consists of roughly 30 hrs of work/week between my two jobs and the internship, on top of 16 units). I miss having a real connection with people. All I really want is a few people that I can get close to, people that are my family away from family. I don't understand why this is so hard. It wasn't in high school, but it sure is now.