Discoveries

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to tell people. Not that it really matters all that much, but I figured if I told people then maybe they would understand me a little bit better. And really, I went to the trouble of finding out, more because I wanted people to understand me better. Heck, I wanted to understand me better. Then I realized, if the point is to tell people, how I do it doesn't really matter. So here it goes. Two weeks ago, I found out I have ADD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

It's nice to know why I can't seem to get my life in order. It's nice to know that I'm not just lazy or unmotivated. It's nice to know that a lot of the crap I went through growing up-getting yelled at because I wasn't paying attention, or constantly losing things, or simply not following a conversation-none of that is my fault.

The anxiety I feel around people is real. The anxiety attacks are real. None of the stuff I go through on a daily basis-the feeling of life being out of control, my frustration at not being able to keep things in order, constantly forgetting little details-none of that is my fault. It's honestly a relief to know that I'm not stupid, or immature, or that I simply don't care. Honestly, the anxiety is a result of caring too much, and not knowing how to fix the problem. And it's nice to know there is a solution. A few of them, actually.

I've talked with a few people, and so far I know that I can help the symptoms with a change in my diet, and by making sure I continue to exercise. I've already seen the anxiety reduced simply by going to the gym and running for a few minutes on the treadmill after work. (And the best part of that is that the gym I go to is only $10/month! talk about affordable! :D) I know if I want to, I can experience at least some relief through a process called neuro feedback (the degree is unknown since the process is expensive and not a lot of people go through with it). And of course, there's always the medication route, but I haven't heard anything good from people who take adderall, and have no real desire to try it. (After all, why would I want to stick poison in me if I have other options?)

I haven't done a lot of looking into alternative treatments (it's frustratingly difficult to find helpful information, and even more difficult to find someone who I can talk to in the area who can oversee any supplements I take), but as I figure this out, I'll keep y'all updated :)