What a whirlwind

Last weekend, I went to CA for my brother's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. I got to see old friends, dance with my nephews, and of course, celebrate the union of Phillip and Alysha. I almost cried a couple of times. Being back in California was fun, and it was good to have a few days of vacation time. But it was also interesting. It didn't feel like home. It felt like a vacation. At the end, I looked forward to flying back to Texas, instead of doing it because that's where my job is right now. This is an interesting shift, because every other time I have lived away from my parents, I have always had far more of a pull towards them, and a frustration that I couldn't just go home and rest. Now, it feels like this is where I rest. It was a great weekend, but it sure was exhausting. When you have two flights, a wedding, and hang out time all squished into 4 days, it makes sense that you would leave more tired than when you arrived :P. But something else happened too. A few weeks ago, I ordered a book called "Wide My World, Narrow My Bed" by Luci Swindoll. It had been recommended to me by a friend of mine, and I had been wondering when it would arrive. Well, apparently, I accidentally shipped it to CA, instead of to Texas. But that's okay. I read it exactly when I needed to.

You see, during this weekend, I also a very difficult conversation with someone, where I essentially said good bye. I'm pretty sure that was the hardest conversation I've ever had. In part because it's hard to let go of someone, and in  part because there was familiarity and comfort in that relationship that I can't have anymore. The premise of this book, though, is to show people that you can live a happy single life. It shows you the fallacy in the belief that you won't be lonely if you just get married. It shows just how fulfilled you can be as a single person. I think what I liked best about the book was that it reiterated over and over that it doesn't matter if you are single or married. People who wait for life to happen to them are the people who have no life. If you aren't active in pursuing life, it won't come to you.

I think it helped me mostly because I grew up with this belief that once I got married I would have my best friend with me all the time, and I wouldn't be bored, or lazy anymore. For some reason, I felt like getting married would be magic fix to me sleeping so much. And I realized that's not true. I also realized why I fight it so much. Sleeping late is boring. It's relaxing, but I don't have a boring personality. I want to wake up and take the day by storm. It's time. Saying good bye to everyone was hard, but it gave me the final push I needed to stop being torn between two places. I have made my choice, and it's time to live my life, instead of looking over my shoulder and wondering what could have been. It's time to take my life by storm.