On Dating and Courtship

I recently read an article (which you can find here addressing the issue of dating versus courtship. In brief, the article stated that the idea of courtship was a harmful one, especially in today's american culture, and that, furthermore, it would not prevent you from being divorced, or stuck in a lousy marriage.

While I agree that often times the idea of courtship is taken too far (i.e. girls not being allowed to talk to boys or God forbid be friends with them) I also think that there is a good solid base behind it. Having now been in two relationships, I can definitely say that the first one has changed the way I have acted in the second one, and most of the time, not in a good way. This is not necessarily because of any problems that occurred in the first one, but because I have been hurt (which is the natural result of a relationship ending. It's pretty much unavoidable 9 times out of 10). The result of this hurt is that I don't want to be hurt again, and therefore react in such a way so as to protect myself. I can only imagine how those who have been in multiple relationships react, especially given that no two guys are the same, and therefore the protective reaction will be added to a different part of you each time. This is not to say that people who date are making a mistake. It can be a very good learning experience, but For those who choose courtship, I don't think there will be any more damage done, quite possibly less.

The author's argument seems to be that people who follow the courtship model for relationships must shut down a natural part of themselves in order to achieve the goal of courtship. In doing so, they inhibit this part that develops a natural healthy relationship. Her argument is that courtship teaches people to fear love, for fear of being hurt, and in the process does more damage than a broken relationship does. I disagree, wholeheartedly. There are different extents to which the platform of courtship can be taken, and to say that all of it harms the people who participate, is wrong.

Before there was dating, there was courtship, and before courtship, there was arranged marriages. Each has it's pro's and con's, but to say that the scars caused by one relationship after another are better than learning how to wake up that part of you that has been put to sleep until now, doesn't make any sense to me. From personal experience, I think, the less you date, the better.