around and around and around...

In high school, if someone pissed me off enough, I got super mad and completely wrote them off. I lost a few friends this way, but once I was that mad, I didn't care anymore. Enough was enough and I was done. Now, for some reason, I'm finding that I am doing the opposite. While I'm not in very much contact with certain people, I'm finding it difficult to completely write them off. I take it, and take it and take it, and for some reason all I can think of is where they are coming from, and why they are doing what they are doing, and instead of letting go, and moving on with my life, I'm holding on, and to someone who doesn't even want me to, at least not at this point. I almost wish for the bitterness and anger because at least then I wouldn't continue to hope for things to get better. I seem to be stuck in the extremes. Either I've blown my top and want nothing to do with you, or I'm a doormat who won't stop making excuses for you. I want the middle ground :(.