Memories

I have been thinking lately about my ability to remember things, and I really find it fascinating. The smallest details, or the most inconsequential things get stored in my brain, and sometimes I wonder what the selection process is.

For example, I remember when I was 5, my family went on vacation to Oregon, and while we were at the beach there, Libby and Gabe were rolling this big log in the water with some of the older kids. My parents actually asked my why I wasn't out there with them (I was jumping the waves in the shallowest part of the water) and I responded that I was afraid of getting sucked out by the undertow. That is my earliest conscious memory of fear of the ocean, but I am afraid of it, and have been for as long as I can remember.

Another good example would be the contrast between A Tale of Two Cities and A Beautiful Mind. I first read A Tale of Two Cities in the sixth grade. The only reason I know this is because I ruined Gabe's copy of the book I was borrowing by spilling water all over it on the way home from softball practice and had to buy him a new one. :P However, all I remembered of the story was that there was a guy who liked to lick rust off of his fingers, that Charles Darnay (I didn't remember his name) had to undergo two trials, and that a man who could have been his twin gave his life for him in the end.

Now contrast that to A Beautiful Mind (which I just finished watching for the second time ever, the first being with Libby shortly after it came out on DVD). I remembered the entire plot of the movie and even several of the smaller points in between. What's even more interesting is that I remembered the questions I asked about the movie at the time (I didn't understand how the doctor could be real since he seemed to be working with the "Russians" so I asked how he knew to help John. Libby's response was that he must have just been in the audience and saw the way that John was acting) I also remember Libby saying that once she knew the ending, she wondered who pushed the desk out of the window when Charles first shows up as John's roommate.

I could continue with the examples, but the point I'm trying to make is that my memory seems to be at least sort of selective, but not consciously so. I didn't spend a lot of time dwelling on any of these incidents, I just remember them. Somehow though, even those things that I do dwell on, like the Awana verses I learned growing up, dissipate after a while. I still remember a fair amount of them, but now I forget the references, or I can only remember a phrase, or the gist of what it was trying to say. Why is it that I can remember conversations with no trouble, but those things I spent hours memorizing slowly slip from my memory?

The only real conclusion I have been able to come up with is that it is due to some sort of emotional connection or other. In the beach example I gave, there was a strong element of fear. With A Tale of Two Cities, I remember what happened to the book because I was upset that I messed up Gabe's copy (I even remember trying to fix it, by putting a dictionary on top of it to fix the warping, at Mom's suggestion, but then the cover got torn because in the drying process it stuck to the table) and remember the parts of the story that I do more because I remember my reaction to them than anything else. With the movie, I think it was just the feeling of connectedness as a family that stuck with me. Whatever the cause may be, however, it seems that my memory works on an emotionally selective basis.

I have no real amazing ending to this, I just thought it was interesting that I remember those things I react to or connect to. :P