Why I'm not a Psych Major

Growing up, my role in my group of friends was "the comforter" I was the stable one, the one without problems, or at least with less problems than my friends had. Therefore, I was the one who fixed things, I made people feel better when they were having an off day, or a bad week. I was the counselor, of sorts. When I graduated high school I went to CSUN and became a deaf studies major. It was what I wanted, and CSUN was the easiest way to do it. Then I transferred to Biola, which doesnt have a deaf studies major, but I was so fed up with CSUN that at the time I was Ok with not being a deaf studies major anymore. My options then became Englsih, or Psych. I picked English but spent the entire summer thinking maybe I should have picked Psych, because of how things were with my friends in High school. I decided not to, but always kinda wondered, What If? Then I was at my friend's house the other day, and we were talking. It felt like High school all over again, she's having a hard time, and I was trying to make her feel better. Suddenly, I realized that I felt better too. Which was the exact same way things worked in high school. I would make my friends feel better, and in the process, I felt better about myself. In me taking care of them, it prevented me from having to focus on my own problems. It pusehd them to the back of my mind, so that I didn't have to deal with them. I realized that it was happening all over again. I had a hard time for most of the year at Biola, didn't really click with people until the end of the year. Even though I finally did, I tink the damage was done. I felt alone, again, and being able to make other people better rather than focus on how lonely I was doesn't help, it jsut postpones the inevitable. I am an emotional mess, and I'm not really dealing with it the right way. This is why I'm not a Psych major. I don't really enjoy fixing other people's problems for the sake of helping hte person, I enjoy it because it makes me feel better about myself, it keeps me from having to deal with my own problems, and it's selfish and pointless to try to take care of someone else when you can't take care of yourself.