Grain-free discoveries

I started the adventure of eating grain free back in January. Since then, I have had to bad relapses (I say bad, because they lasted far longer than one meal). Both times I have gotten sick within a week of said relapse. The first time I thought it was a coincidence. After all, I get sick all the time right? But this time it happened again, and it has been so much worse (I think because it was for a longer period of time, and I still haven't completely gotten myself back off of them yet).

One thing that is really interesting though, is that I noticed how much worse I felt almost immediately after eating that which i was not supposed to eat (in this case, a can of chicken noodle soup). Normally, the chicken noodle soup helps me to feel better. It's warm, and soothing, and (so I thought) easy on my stomach. Perfect sicky food right? Well, apparently, now it just adds to the general feeling of blah. My head started to hurt, my nose got more clogged, and my energy level went way down again. Surprise, surprise. So much for my "comfort food."

However, the more I play with this, the more I find out about myself. Recently, my energy levels were pretty much back to the way they were pre-elimination diet, so I thought maybe I was wrong. Maybe it wasn't grains after all, and if that's the case, then what's the point? Well, clearly catching a cold every time I eat them too frequently is another VERY good reason to stay away. It's hard, and frustrating, when the majority of easy food is stuff I can't have. When I work all week, then have to work all weekend cooking and cleaning so I can eat better. It's expensive, and sometimes (ok most of the time) I wonder if there's really much point. But then I think about the fact that I could be doing much worse. I could have continued to eat the way I was, and continued to get sick every three weeks like I was. But that is even worse, in my mind, than what I am doing now.

Instead of complaining that it is too much work, that it's too stressful, that I can't or don't want to, or whatever, I can look at the choices I've made, and remind myself that there was a reason that I made them. And that reason is becoming more clear every day. Because if I'm miserable, then eating the food I want to eat isn't worth it.

Can it be? Is math actually logical?

I keep seeing this video about the new way common core is teaching kids subtraction. Have you seen it? Basically a person walks around a college campus, and asks various college students what 32-12 is. Of course, they all say 20, and then the standard way of writing out 32-12 appears on the screen, followed by the new common core method. This new method requires a student to add in order to get the right answer. First, 12+3=15, then 15+5=20, then 20+10=30, and last 30+2=32 The answer then is 3+5+10+2=20. The responses have been loud and unanimous. "It's too hard!" "I don't get it!" "Where do they get the random numbers to add up?"

Now, as an adult with a college degree, I have memorized over the years the fact that 32-12=20. And I can also write it out using the standard formula. But now let me make something very clear to you. I never understood math. I struggled with it all through school, and as soon as I had the chance to drop it, I did so. I recall an argument I had with my mom when I was first learning to subtract. I was adamant that 1-1=1, not zero. (I was in the first grade, cut me some slack). I finally just accepted the fact that I was never going to really understand math, and just needed to memorize what I was being told, whether it made sense to me or not. Subtraction with carrying? Forget it. To this day, I still don't understand WHY subtracting one number from another and adding it to the next turns a zero into a 10 (instead of a 1). (like 100-33. Cross out the one, stick it next to the first zero, to equal 10, then cross it out again to get 9, add the extra digit to the final zero to get 10 so you can subtract 3 from 10, instead of 3 from zero, and 3 from 9, instead of 3 from 0.) I just know that's what you do.  So now you know where I am coming from. Math makes no sense in my head. Just memorize how to do it, and move on. But this common core thing? It makes sense to me. That in and of itself is a small miracle.

Let me tell you why. I'll explain by answering the last of the questions raised on the video. "Where do they get the random numbers to add together?"They don't just magically pull them out of the air, I promise. When they tell a child to add 12+3=15, they are showing them how to get to an easier number to deal with. I know automatically that 15+5=20. 5's are easy to work with. But I have to do a little bit of mental math almost every time when I try to figure out what the difference is between 12 and 20. The mental math I do? 20-5=15, and 15=3=12. 3+5=8. Exactly like how common core is teaching these kids. Now, once they are at 15, it's far easier to make the jump to 20, then 30. and the number 2 is obvious, because that's all that's left. Does it take longer? Yes. But if this shows kids how to break down math into more manageable numbers, so that there is less confusion, less memorizing, and more reasoning, then good for them!

Can't, or don't?

I recently read an article via facebook that explained the differences between the words "can't"  and "don't." Can't means you physically cannot do it. You are unable to do so. This can manifest itself in a variety of ways. Sometimes it means you can't eat something. Your body physically cannot process whatever it is that you are putting in your mouth, and it makes you sick. Sometimes it means you can't lift something. It is physically impossible for you to life it because your muscles do not have the strength to do so. Or maybe it has to do with your emotions. Your emotions literally cannot handle it if you your hear something, and it causes you to go into depression, or anxiety, or whatever. That is what can't means.

Don't, however, is a choice. To say "I don't watch scary movies" means that you could if you wanted to, you might even be able to sleep alright afterwards, you just don't like them, so you don't watch them. Or perhaps you say "I don't read books that promote certain things." Can you? Of course you can, but again, you are choosing not to.

The article mentioned that those people who say "I can't eat this or that" were far more likely to eat it anyway. The people who said "I don't eat this or that" tended to do much better staying away from it. Why is that, I wonder? I think it is because when someone says "I can't" they are issuing a challenge to themselves. It is a phrase the engenders the response of "oh yeah? watch me." Can't is limiting. It tells you that you are not capable of doing something, and no one likes to be told, even by themselves, that they are not capable of whatever they want to do. Don't is empowering. It says "I am making a choice. I am taking control of my life. I am choosing to do these things."

The reason this struck me so much is because I have been really struggling with trying not to eat grains. I see other people eating frozen pizzas, ramen, and macaroni and cheese, and while I realize that is bad for me, that does not take away the desire to eat it. I look at that food and I think "This really sucks. I hate that I can't eat that anymore. I hate that my body is preventing me from eating what I want to." But here's the thing. That's not true. It's a lie that I tell myself so that I can feel like a victim of my circumstances. It is a lie that makes me feel better because it gives me an excuse, a reason to complain about my situation.

Well guess what? I am not a victim. I have never been a victim. I made the choice to eat differently, and to blame it on circumstances only makes me fight against that choice even more. Why did I make that choice to begin with? Because I wanted to feel better. I wanted to have more energy, more concentration, and less anxiety. Well, now I am choosing to look at it in a different way. Instead of telling myself that I "can't eat" this or that, I will remind myself that I can, but I am choosing not to. I don't eat that anymore. It's not healthy, it makes me feel sick, and I don't want to live like that anymore. I am well within my rights as a person to continue to do so, I can eat whatever I want to. But I don't anymore, because my quality of life is far superior when I continue to make the choice not to.