Waiting

I've never been much of a patient person. If I see something I want, I immediately start making plans for how to make it happen, whether it was making a visit to Virginia after high school graduation, or transferring to a private school I had absolutely no way of paying for. And God has been faithful. He has allowed me to make the mistakes that my head strong nature often often leads me to, without too many repercussions. But now it seems, He is telling me to wait. You see, That private school never did fall within my price range, and so far God hasn't seen fit to miraculously bail me out of the mountain of debt I have buried myself under. But that doesn't mean He hasn't provided for me. He has given me a good job, and an affordable place to live, both of which have allowed me to remain independent.

But waiting is hard. I've had to learn to slow down, to say no to things I would normally say yes to. And I've had to learn to hold on to my dream, even though I can't have it just yet. I've had to learn that if it really is worth having, it is worth waiting for. But that's not all God is teaching me.

I know that this time of waiting is by just waiting for the sake of waiting. God is using this time to shape me, to make me into the person I need to be in order to serve Him the way I need to serve Him. I just finished reading the book "Kisses from Katie" which, if you haven't heard of it is a story about a 19 year old girl, just out of high school, who gives her heart to Uganda. In her first year there, she adopts 9 little girls, and 5 more in the years to follow. She gives up everything she has so that se can do her best to make a difference, but does it with the knowledge that just changing one life is enough. She knows that God is the one doing the work, and she is simply the person He chose to do it through. In her words "In the days of Jesus, He expected EVERYTHING of His disciples. Do I believe He requires the same today? I do. And I want to live like I believe it." Reading those words, I know I'm not ready to give my everything. But I also know that that is, at least in part, what this period of waiting is for.

She says later that "The hard places can seem unbearable. It's dark and it's scary and even though I know God will never leave me or forsake me, sometimes it's so dark that I just can't see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side...ALWAYS on the other side is something beautiful because He has used the hard place...to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him."

It's hard to read that and not stop and think. And it makes me wish that I had faith like that. So I wait, and I pray, because I know God is preparing me for something great. I just need to do it in His time, and not my own.