LOST

Ever feel like you don't know who you are? Ever realize that you lost yourself somewhere and can't find find your way back? Think about living like that for eight years? It's happened to me. In growing up I let other people make me feel like who I was wasn't okay, that I needed to change to become acceptable. That I needed to wear a mask, a costume, to fit in. The only thing is, I've worn this disguise for so long I no longer know what I look like without it. I don't really know what my true interests are, or where I fit in. I seem to be able to know where I DON'T fit in(mostly after trying it out first)but can't figure out where I DO, and unfortunately, trial and error is not a very good way to figure things out. I seem to be able to catch glimpses of myself though. Those days when I'm having a really good day, when I'm just happy for no reason, are the days I truly believe that I have let go of my uncertainty and am myself. Sadly most of the time I am slightly depressed, and always exhausted. Those are the days when I'm struggling for identity, when all I want is a break but can't seem to get it. I've lost myself. No matter how hard I search, I can't seem to find it again. I fear it may be permanent.