it's late...

and I need to go to bed, but right no, I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed. I just got four e-mails from my Torrey Mentor outlining some of what this semester is going to be like, and I am VERY GLAD I don't have more than Torrey and gymnastics to take at Biola. Today was a fun day, I got to see my friend Kate, from Northridge, at her Bridal shower. I miss her to death most of the time, and each chance I get to see her is a special treat. :) However, on the drive home, I realized just how much I am not a part of her life any more, and although it was only for one year, I was very much a part of her life while I was there. I have also been feeling overwhelmed for a while, but most of break I just took it easy. well, as of tomorrow, break is officially over, I go back to school, and I can't escape the stress anymore by simply putting it off. There have been several times over the break when I thought about my Don Rags appointment, when I was told, "you did fairly well, considering the course load you had. Next semester however, you're going to have a lighter load, so while it will be easier to manage all of the assignments, there is going to be more required of you." To everyone else, I nodded yes and asserted that I could do it. To my self? I feel like pulling my hair and screaming "I CAN'T DO ANY BETTER!" It's a very scary thought knowing that I will have more asked of me, and feeling completely deficient in every way, and not knowing if even if I try harder, if I can do better. I can spend more time on notes, true, but can I give them what they are looking for? It doesn't seem like it. It's at times like now with all of the stress trying to get the right classes at the right times through Mt. SAC and stressing over the work I have to do for Torrey that I have this little voice in the back of my mind saying " See? you shold have just stayed at CSUN. It was a cheap school, so you'd have few, if any loans, you had a great job, and really close friends. Now everything is that much harder to achieve what you want. You can still go back..." but I don't want to go back. That would be truly running away, and I'm tired of running away. It's just so hard not to...

ugh

my wisdom teeth are now out...let the torture begin, but at least it's the last mouth surgery i should need for a VERY LONG time.

Chicken Noodle Soup

I'm a little bit sick right now(thankfully not too bad, hooray for vitamins and Zicam! mostly just a slight headache and persistent, but manageable sore throat)and last night, and early today I just really wanted some chicken noodle soup. So I prayed and asked God to make it so that they had chicken noodle soup in the caf(something they haven't offered yet) and you know what? for dinner tonight we had chicken noodle soup! I was happy. :)

YAY!!!

I'm done with Don Rags!!! I'm sooo excited I got an A-!!! I was worried that I was gonna get a B(which is bad, a B means you're on probation)but I didn't!!! :) I also finally got my paper back. I got an 84, which was lower than I thought. Part of it was because I used a quote from House, and Miss Meline(the writing director) doesn't know who he is. She thought he was some modern psychologist. Not that using the quote was terribly smart, but still. Over all I'm pleased. :)

frustrated

Mt. SAC closed(or maybe it filled up, I don't know) the ASL 4 class that worked with my schedule, and now the ASL structure class I was going to take is gone too!!! gahhhh! So now I'm enrolled at both Mt. SAC and Golden West college(for some reason they changed the timing of their ASL 4 class so that it does work.) but apparently won't be actually taking any classes as Mt. SAC and I haven't heard from GWC yet about my registration. Hopefully I can still take ASL 4 there. I don't know, but I'm getting really frustrated because I'm trying to make this work, and it's not, and had I known about the classes not being available at Mt. SAC I could have gone to Greece this summer! So now I'm not really sure what to do. I felt like this was where God was leading me, He gave me an interest in Sign Language, so I should pursue it right? Apparently He has other plans, but I'd really like to know what they are! I know I was not supposed to be at Northridge, and Mt. SAC seemed like the perfect alternative...the only other thing I can think of is that maybe I'm supposed to finish here in three years and then go back and work on ASL later, but I'm not sure I can handle the course load that would be required of me to finish in three years(total, 2 1/2 now) I'd have to have 18 units every semester, and granted, the hardest part would be the survey classes, which would be over next semester(or I guess the semester after now) I just don't want to put myself through that. I'm so confused and frustrated right now, I have no idea what to do.

A decision has been made...

Sadly, despite what I told everyone a few days ago...I will not be able to go on the Torey Europe Trip. :( Due to Mt. SAC's academic calender I will still be in school through mid June. *sigh* oh well. Just thought I'd let you know.

Thank you God!

Prop. 8 passed!!! Marriage is now defined as between one man and one woman in California. Thank you God almighty!